There are lots of things a doula might “do”, yes we can plan, put paperwork in order, declutter, prepare your dying space, review your life, make a documentary, hold a living wake, plan what happens to your body after death, plan a funeral, I can lead a funeral, I can make sure you have food in the fridge and your home is clean, I can brief your friends and community, rally the troops, or keep the crowds away if that’s what you want. I can advocate for you, support you to get your needs met and your wishes honoured, I can listen to your loved ones as well, support you all to grieve and celebrate. If it’s appropriate I might be around and nearby at the time of death, I can help wash and shroud your body, help with whatever needs to be done. I’m particularly good at supporting children and young people but really anyone in grief. I can keep vigil, make ceremony, bring whatever is meaningful to you in ritual. Or not. I don’t need to do any of that, if you don’t need it.
I can just BE. That’s probably the most valuable service I can offer you, deep, unconditional, unwavering presence at a time when there is so much going on around you, I can be still, with you and make space for you to BE too.
A death doula is not just for the dying person. You can engage a death doula if someone you know is dying and you need support. Or after a death if you need support in processing trauma and grief.
If you would like to meet then the first encounter – whether in person (locally to North Wales) or on Zoom is free. I will want to hear a bit about you and why you are interested in having a death doula; and I will walk you through a process whereby we map what you need; then I will be able to say what I can offer you and what I can signpost you to. If after meeting you would like to proceed then we can talk about what I charge. I offer a sliding scale according to your ability to pay, so long as I can balance my need to pay my bills with what you can afford we can go ahead. If you are very low on funds we can talk about creative ways to make sure we both get our needs met including community funding or grants. Please do not let financial concerns put you off contacting me, we will always find a way.
“I wish everyone had access to your services Alexandra, it has meant everything to me to have someone to talk to that is not afraid to talk about death. Death is just another stage of life, it’s my next great adventure and having your companionship has meant the world to me” RL, died 2018 and I served as his death doula with weekly visits for 3 years